Well a niver!. Am ur amazed, an flummoxed

Heer dae yoose know whit huz jist happened tae me.
A huv jist been contacted by a wee burd frae Thailand, an a huv a funnie feelin thit she could be ma great great grand daughter, so she could
Ah know, a know, but its a lang storie so it is!!!
A hud been travellin awe aroon the wurld fur a bit. Glesca hud become a bit depressin durin the Depression awe the 1920`s so a sub let ma hoose in the Trongate, got ma sel a aroon the wurld ticket frae St Enoch`s Station an legged it oota Glesca.
A knew in ma bones thit the wurld wiz ghangin rapidlie an a wanted tae huv a look aroon before it changed.

Time Travel

As yeese awe no, av hud ma fingers intae awe sorts a things ower the years. A jist luv tinkerin wae things.
Weil wan a thay things wis time travel.
A hud thot aboot it in Stettin jist before a hud tae leg it oota there.
Bit whin a arrived in Glesca, weil a think the environment inspired me tae dae sumfin aboot it.
So a sterted tae think aboot it an a sterted tae look aroon fur clues.
An then awe uv a sudden they sterted tae appear thik an fast.
A suddenly realised that thur wur people rite here in Glesca thit wur daein it awe the time.
Christ a hud been daein it masel an a diddnae even no.
Ma very furst clue wiz in The Sarrie Heid Bar.
A wiz in ther wan nite an thur wiz a boy asleep at wan a the benches. Efter a wee bit he woke up.
"Where um a, whit day is it", he said oot loud.
"Its thursday big man", sumbody shouted tae him.
"Whit!!, that cannae be rite, an only came in here hauf an hour ago, its Munday ya stupit eejit, kin yoo no tell the time!"
"Naw ya muppit, hees right it is thursday", hauf a the pub shouted wae lafter.
Next minite the boy gits up an storms oot a the pub lookin really confused.
A wiz curious, a asked if anybody hud sen him cum in oan the Munday. Bit thay awe said, naw weer jist in no long. "Thats weird" a thot tae masel
Any way ower the cummin weeks a started tae notice mer an mer people frae awe walks a life, men an wummin alike, huvin the same experience.
A hud tae investigate further.
So a sterted ta hing aroon pubs.
A wid go in oan the monday clok the punters and go back oan a thursday tae see whit wans hid been affected. An sum time a noticed thut thur coud be hole gangs a punters experiencin the same thing.
Bit whit wiz the common factor a thot tae masel.
Bit ye cannie whak observation an soon a noticed that they hud tae a man awe been bevvin on the monday.
That wiz it, alcohol! Well it wiz obvious whin a thot aboot it. Efter awe it wis pairt a ma elixir a Life. Whit did a no think awe it before.
So a thot ad gie it a shot ma sel tae assess the effects and whit happened tae ye.
So the next monday a went tae The Sarrie Heid Bar, and goat masel utterly an totally pissed oot a ma brains.
Weil ye kin consider ma suprise whin a woke up ther the followin monday.
A hud dun it ma sel, a hud travelled in time.
The first side effect a noticed wiz a sore heid, the next wan wiz that a hid pisshed ma pants. Bit the last wan goat me thinkin. Ma muny wiz gone. Noo whit caused that a thot.
Then a remembered whit yon boy jesus hid said, " Yee cannie take it wae ye", so thats whit he meant.
Ower the next weeks a repeated the experiment, clyinically a must say, an the same thing happened agin and agin and agin.
Everytime the same effect an every time nae muny.
Bit every time a noticed thit a only went forward, how dae ye go back the way a sterted thinkin.
So fur the past number awe years av been experimintin extensively an keepin ma eyes open whin a see uther people stertin tae time travel. So far a huvnae seen anybody travel back the way yit, an neether huv a.
Ye se a thot a hid an idea fur a wee business opportunity, Time Travel Bars, whur ye coud go back in time an sort oot ur enemies, ur apologise tae that burd that ye nearly hud up yon close, an loads u uther things. An go forward is well tae see whur ye mite go wrang an sort it before it happens.
Weil a figure av hud tae ditch the idea, its frot wae danger, an wance yuv goan forward ye cannie go back, an if ye go forward in time yur mer thin likely huv tae leave awe yur muny behind, an yur job wull no exist anymer either. the nunber a times a noticed yon happin is legion.
So a figure time travel is best left alane. Its frot wae danger, an shood only be dun if ye figure that yoo huv nuttin tae loose.

effin` bloodly Last Supper, Sorry av been away

But av been gettin fair fed up way awe the bloody attention this Last Supper things gettin on the bloody infernal net.
Ah mean tae say, it wiz just meant tae be a temporary job an ah hud tae dae it in wan helluva hurry is well.
Budjet, whit budjet!!!. Thur wisnae enough dosh in it tae hire models tae dae awe the poses.
Al tell ye, if it wisnae fur wee Mona kippin up wae me that week, the job widnae ah been dun at awe.
Ah wiz stormin aroon in a panic, if ah didnae dae the job, ah knew the bastard wid huv me killed, an awe cause he wiz to stingy tae buy sum drapes fur that wa.

Ah still mind his partin wurds that day, "Haw wee man ah no yer up fur it, yeel git the job dun oan time, ur else."........ The effin bastard!

Then wee Mona piped up fae under ma duvet,
"Hey big man, nae wurries, al pose fur ye!, OUCH!! ma bone is still sore. See you ya bugger, every time we huv a nite ah reckless drunken passion how cum ah aye waken up way a throbbin bone , an yoor OK ?"......... I think she wiz still a bit pissed fae the night before koz she`d still be groanin aboot that bone fur hours yit!

"Ur yoo daft wummin, wan ah the figures in the pantin is Christ, ah cannae dae Christ wae tits, ur yoo stupit ur sumptin. An then thurs that guy Judas an his bag ah silver. Wuv nae money that ah kin draw fae!!!", ah ranted, ah really wiz in a panic.

"Naaw!!! Big man, its awe rite, al wear a big smok an thatl hide thum. An as fur the money yeeve still goat sum oh that foil that ye made, whits it cauldt? Allicante, naw thats where we hud that three in a bed dirty weekend wae ma sister.
Uv goat the name oh the stuff noo, Alcan , thats whit ye called it. Thurs sum oh it rolled up over at the hearth, mind ye wrapped that chicken in it before ah cooked it last nite, it wiz pure dead brilliant by the way! Ye could cut that up fur imitation muny."

"Mona darlin` yer an effin star, doll!" ah said. " Ah mean if yur up fur it hen, weed better git startd rite away. Its gonnae be a rite bit ah hard graft doll, an that bone ah yoors, is it still sore?.
Listen am sorry aboot the bone hen, but yoo wur the wan that kept shoutin; dont stap ya bastard, slam it intae me, HARDER HARDER!"

"Oh aye an by the bye, yoor no the only wan in pain, yoo dug yer nails that hard intae ma arse last nite that ye drew blood, ah kin hardly sit doon the noo, an the uther ends rid raw."....... We musta looked a rite sorry site the pair a us, a mean we wur both still schmecked fae the nite before.

"Naw big man dont git me rang, it wis pure majik as usual last nite. Ye know ah dont no whur yoo get yer stamina frae. Ah mean tae say, ah ran oot aw fingers an toes countin they things ah huv, whit is that yoo caw thim?, organizms, is that it. Ah mind just as ah passed oot wae the last wan, a remember ah herd that cock crow, and yoo wur still bangin away. Nae wunder the pair a us ur sore.. Here you!!!!!!, ah hope yood stopped before he came in this mornin, al no be able tae look him in the face again if yoo wur still at it." Mona hud a wee look a concern oan hur face as she said it.

"Well hen, ah hud stopped a wee bit before he turned up. Bit.............well ye see a wis still oan top a ye, just as he let himsel in an a jist managed tae git yer nails oot a both cheeks, jump oot a bed an toss the duvet over ye in time. Am sure he didnae clock that ye wur here, an if he did he didnae let oan."...........Ah wiz lyin, an am shure she knew, but she fund it excitin, ah cood tell by the look oan hur face as ah said it.
But no aboot the nails in ma arse, everytime ah tried tae stop, they nails wid dig in that bit harder, am sure she wiz oan auto pilot. Bit whits a man tae dae? ah tell ye.

Bit it took the pair a us the rest awe the day tae recover. So ah didnae get the preppin work fur the last supper started tae the next day. Aye an there wiz nae hanky panky that nite apart fae a wee kiss n cuddle. An Mona wiz up the next mornin before the cock, makin us a right binder of a breakfast. The pair oh us hit the deck runnin!!! She really wiz a star!!!
Al tell ye aboot hoo the pair a us painted it an ither time.
Personally ah think its hud its day awe the colours faded its fawin tae bits, an ah think they shood rip it doon an gee sumbody else a shot, aye an the rite money this time. Ah mean its no as if theyve no goat good foties is it!!!!!
But heres a fotie of it and ye can see the mess its in if ye clik oan that link thingie
THE LAST SUPPER